To Rebuke or Not?

I Tim. 5:1-2

"Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity."

I have definite feelings about receiving or even giving a rebuke. Something in me doesn't even like the word itself. It is so harsh! I think that my feelings about this word are associated with what I have experienced in the name of a 'rebuke.' In the past, I have had the pleasure of receiving many rebukes from Christians carrying chainsaws who felt it was their duty to cut me down to nearly nothing. This was a truly unpleasant experience! I don't think it ever drew me closer to God; instead it made me create walls to protect myself. Not only did these rebukes give me a sense of isolation from others and even my church body, but they made me feel inept in my walk with the Lord. Initially, I thought if I never rebuked others that no one would rebuke me. To a large degree, this did protect me, but it didn't grow me in the bonds of Christian fellowship. Even though I have let down the walls and have made myself vulnerable to other believers and their rebukes, I still need to understand this process and rid myself of old emotional baggage.

I think that Paul really clarifies this for me when he talks about the manner and the relationship. Here he says that the manner involves encouragement and sincerity. Encouragement speaks of lifting up not tearing down. It is more than sharing a story from my storehouse of failures; instead, it is from Christ [Phil. 2:1]. It is not something that I drum up from my human emotions or my sympathetic impulses, but it is something that I am empowered to do by the Holy Spirit. I think that this encouragement could take many forms from having a conversation or even just a time of listening, a note, meeting physical needs, but most of all I think it is praying for that person. When I am praying, then I know my heart is right and is free from any insincerity. My motives are pure. My heart is united with God's heart concerning this person. Perhaps, the rebuke should not really be aimed at another, but should be focused on myself. Often, when I am irritated at others, it is because I am not right in my heart. If I am praying, the Spirit will reveal it all, my heart's true motives as well as the direction of spiritual encouragement. After I have sought the Lord and feel His leading, then I can go to another person to encourage sincerely.

Rebuking should be like a family relationship. A family always speaks to me of love, patience, understanding, and forgiveness. I never fear that I will lose my relationship with the family. Still not everyone has that family relationship, but I think everyone knows what they wish their family relationship was like. Paul says rebuke the older men like fathers. Even though I am 62, I still speak to my father in a very respectful way. I never call him down harshly, but I appeal to him calmly and in love. I share the Bible with him because that is our common ground. Likewise, the older women are rebuked as mothers. I think being a mother is a complex relationship that is characterized by a big heart. A mother's heart always loves and cares for her child no matter what that child does or what the child becomes. The child knows this and many times that is the force that gets the child through the hard times. I think that if I were rebuking my mother, I would have in my mind all the love and caring she has shown me through the years. So even if she is in a bad place now, her past must be considered in the way that I talk to her. Speaking to a mother's heart must involve tenderness and appreciation. Younger men and women should be rebuked as brothers and sisters. It is true that brothers and sisters do fight, but I don't think this is what Paul is emphasizing. When I look at my children and their relationships with one another, I see loyalty and concern yet without thinking that their way is only one way. I think Paul is saying that a rebuke should be done with a family love that appeals to them on the true heart issue, an issue that must be dealt with on a spiritual level.

Nowhere in these verses do I see anything about harsh words; in fact later in the passage, Paul warns against prejudging. That is why rebuking another believer must be bathed in prayer. The human tendency is to prejudge, to put others down as a way to lift oneself up. He also talks about the purpose for the entire process, that is to be pleasing in the sight of God without reproach. My heart for another is to be for our mutual growth in the Lord, so that we both will be pleasing to God free of reproach. If that were the only motive in a rebuke, would it still be hard to take? I think so because a rebuke attacks pride. I know that many times when I was rebuked, my silent response was to look at that other person's life. With my wounded pride in control, I could always find many flaws in them. Even though Paul talks about the heart attitude in giving the rebuke, I think it applies to receiving one as well. If the rebuke is given in as a sincere family member who wants to encourage, then I need to receive it that way. Humility should govern the giving and the receiving of a rebuke. So to answer my question, I should rebuke others when God lays it on my heart, and I should receive the rebuke in a spiritual manner as well.

Father,

I do have baggage in my life concerning the rebuking process. I give it to you and ask You to clean my spiritual slate. Make me receptive to everything You bring into my life, the rebukes, the pain, the trials, the illnesses, and the blessings. I know that You have grace enough for all of them. Thank You for sending believers into my life who care about my spiritual growth.

In Jesus name,

Amen